You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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