i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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