I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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