I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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