Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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