Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
