I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
