went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
