So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
