Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize