you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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