I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
