please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize