dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
