so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Randomize
