He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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