The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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