cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
