so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
