So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
