Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
