Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
