3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just threw up on my dentist
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
