If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
