New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
