I wish I could teleport
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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