I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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