Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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