i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We need to rekindle our bromance
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
