Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
