i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
