I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
