fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
