The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
