Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
