i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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