i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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