I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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