i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
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