You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
