You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
