I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhhâ€
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