u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
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