Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
