Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Can Purell be used as lube?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
