He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
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