You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
