i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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