Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
