The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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