can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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