they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
