i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
