If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
