Do you still have your period?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
