I just saw a hot homeless man
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
