She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
