so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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