This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
