He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
