Tell her she can't have a vagina
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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