He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
