i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just forgot I was standing up.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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