You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
