i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
