Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
