YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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