remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize