Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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