dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
