they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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