end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
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