At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
