That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
